Why does my heart feel so cold?So cold and lifeless!It is like as though I cannot feel anything inside. Neither my feelings neither any emotions. Like suddenly everything around me has no meaning. Like there was a lot of liveliness and joy and laughter and suddenly there is nothing!

Why do I feel so lost and absolutely aimless? Why do I feel so alone? There is pain and extreme pain in my body and every time I think of it, I feel powerless and helpless. I have been dealing with this pain since many years and because of it I have felt so desolate and deprived of countless joys in my life!

On a holiday when everyone in my family explore different tourist spots then I would be restricted due to my movement. At times my legs used to swell so much that I could not move. Or in other instances when everyone would walk quickly, I would be the slow one dragging myself behind.

It was always very unnerving and still is a very daunting task to walk and ignore the continuous pain which obstructs my movement. I have never felt so caught up by the shackles of a physical which challenges my very existence!

It is like ticking bomb which is spreading its tenacity little by little and at any time it can burst and my legs will crumble onto the floor!. The doctors say that there is no cure and when I listen to this news, it makes me feel so frustrated and I keep looking for solutions.

Till date I have tried countless options. To reduce my weight, to eat food items, which are knee friendly and trying all kinds of herbal oil massages, but to no avail, as the pain keeps coming back with complete force.

I had a wonderful phase of a long break with lot of traveling and endless fun. Those were among the most joyous moments of my life. Now from the time I have returned to my home, from day one, I have this pressing knee pain, which is just not willing to go away.

It has literally latched on to my existence and now I feel, that I am at the fag end of my patience level. It is because of this totally hopeless health scenario that I feel a freeze, a freeze in every activity and aspect of my life. My outings, my regular life, my happy self, my soul seems to have stopped connecting with me and making me feel alive.

Like I am in a self imposed infinite imprisonment. People coming and going. Days beginning and ending, eating as you have to survive, talking just mere basics and in the midst of all this humdrum the “big elephant in the room”, shows it inconspicuous presence and makes everything meaningless.

Why should I live then? Tell me is this life? Where I constantly feel the niggling presence of demon who threatens me and wants to finish me off! The answer is very simple I have to live, for myself, for my family, for the fact that I am fortunate to breathe! The icy cold feeling that I have now will gradually melt and life will inch back to normalcy, when I will get a relief from my pain and I will get it.

I have complete faith in God and I know that I will find a good doctor who can treat my ailment properly and give me viable solutions.

Frozen I am now, but when the sun(God’s Grace) shines on even the toughest or coldest of ice, it melts and turns into refreshing streams. In the same way sunny days are bound to come for me too and gone will be this frozen, desolate and desperate self.

This is just a phase. It comes and teaches me new lessons of life and then when I learn what I have to learn, the phase passes and I come back to my happy self.

Life does freeze but it cannot be snuffled out, no matter what. Things do stop, as maybe new avenues are opening up, that is why things have come to a standstill, but patience and complete belief in God always bears positive results.