I am really sad today.Now you will ask me that what has made me sad. There is not one reason but many reasons. When a person feels lost and lonely and absolutely unwanted and neglected, then you feel sad, like I am feeling sad at this moment.It is not that I have not experienced this emotion anytime earlier in my life, I have experienced it countless times and mostly in similar situations.
It is this constant feeling of feeling unwanted and the feeling of being helpless in the face of it.I have always been a very strong person and even the most adverse situations have seen me in total control of myself. But whenever I face this situation of feeling unwanted and uncared for, I feel totally helpless and I really don’t know what to do.
I am feeling so sad, that my soul is crying out to God and asking as to why am I subject to so much sorrow.Where have I gone wrong and where does my fault lie.Time will change and things will become better that is the only hope, but now after all this time I seem to have lost hope and I know I will face this indifference all through my life.
When you feel sad then everything around you does not seem to have any meaning.I have been facing this kind of sadness since the last so many years and when I try to evaluate, as to what is the reason behind it then I fail to understand what is the reason.Maybe I had hurt someone in my previous birth, so maybe because of it I have to continuously face the same situation again and again.
Sometimes life is so complex and things are so complicated that no matter what effort you put, you have to face desperation and disgust every time.I don’t why but other than my childhood. life has been particularly difficult for me when it came to certain relations.When I changed cities then I had troubles facing different situations with different relations.I have had so many disappointments in my life that I feel that maybe something is wrong with me that I always get sadness and desperation in return.
I am not saying that I have not had happy moments in my life but when I think of my past and to some extent my present too, then I feel that there is strong undertone of sadness below all the good picture which is portrayed in front of the world.It is not that I have not tried to improve things so that I am not faced with the same situation of disgust every time, I have tried but somehow I have not got the desired results after all the changes I have made and so I have to face same situation again and again.It is a vicious circle which keps repeating itself.
Sadness has become such an integral part of my life that now I feel that nothing can change for the better ever.I have lost all hope and now I don’t want to change anything. I just want to keep quiet and wait and watch and see what will happen in the coming phase of time.My sadness has taken the shape of a never ending grief and I now seem to have no hope that things will change, though a part of me feels that things will change as I am die-hard optimist, but still that hope for change is very less.
A part of me feels that all this present situation is just a passing phase and as time passes things will change drastically and I will eventually forget all sorrow, but I really don’t know when that will happen.I have made certain resolutions and I will change certain things in my life, but I am having doubts as to whether those changes will bring about any positive change in my life or no.
Well lets see that is life, it presents before you various challenges and when you pass that phase of challenges, you become more mature and wiser, I think God wants me to learn certain things in life the harder way, that is why he has his ways of teaching me this.I feel I have understood his message and I will try and make things better so I don’t face this situation which makes me sad again and again.